EB & Thumbs: the Case of the Missing Seperated Husband, pt. 2

Today I bring you the thrilling conclusion of the first EB & Thumbs case posted here. In case you missed part 1 of this captivating mystery, you can find it here. Enjoy!


We immediately were pulled into an interview room and grilled intensely. They had the lamps on us and we were definitely feeling the heat. The cops didn’t care too much for Ernest’s snippy answers and I was merely trying to explain to them the situation. Eventually we were sent to the cells and after a night in the slammer they made their decision. It was in the late morning we were given their verdict. They decided we were in no way involved in the murder and we were released based on what they perceived as “incompetence” (and a bit of incontinence on Ernest’s part). Furthering the embarrassment, we had no wheels which left me calling on my mother to lift Ernest and myself back to the office.eb_at_thebar

Ernest took it rough at first. Once home he took off to take in the nightlife. He bellied up and spent a good chunk of the night drinking away the recent experiences. It seemed at the moment he wanted nothing more than to be miles away from this case. Who could blame him? I spent the night in trying to do the same. For a good chunk of it I watched old recorded episodes of “Perfect Strangers”. Needless to say, it was a low moment that ended with quesadillas and cottage cheese. Once morning time came my attitude changed. After sneaking past Ernest, being sure not to wake him in his soon to be hung over state, I got my first cup of joe going. And it hit, the case needed to be solved. We had been set up and we were not going to let it slide.eb_pacing

I stepped out and paced. Smoking and pacing with my mind racing. How had we been bested? Who was that poor woman at the address we were given? There were so many questions and so little ground we had covered at this point. If only that grocer had a little more patience with us. If only Ernest didn’t have an obsession with plastic. Yet this was not a time for regret. This was a time for advances. So I took down the alley. I was trying to get moving, get the blood pumping, get my mind working right. The first thought was to check back in with the grocer and see if he had his ear to the ground and if there was anything new shaking on the city streets. Immediately I remembered his threat of banning us just a few days prior. Scratch that one. As I made my way through the alley I noticed something laying next to a trash can. Not sure what it was, I slowly approached it and gave it a nudge with my foot. It appeared to be a blonde wig.

Then it hit me. I suddenly realized something about our client. Something that had sneaked by me in our first meeting. She wasn’t a young woman, she was a man!eb_realization

It was like a mental block was just kicked out. Everything started flooding in. Yes, things were making so much sense now. I dashed back to the house to grab Ernest. We had a case to solve. He was startled by my hurried entrance.


I threw my hands to the air. “There’s no time for questions, I’m sorry pal. We got a case to solve! Come on, quick, we gotta get back to that house!”

Off we dashed to the locale where our hopes had been dashed just the day before. As we ran up to the house I noticed that there were a few police cars there already. Had I called them in my frenzy and forgot about it? It was hard to tell. Once we made it to the front we both saw it was blocked by an officer who appeared to be stationed there.

“Glad to see you boys are already here. I am about to blow the lid right off this case!”

The officer didn’t seem impressed. “Sir, you can’t enter this home.”

“But I need to tell you guys whats going on.”

“Sir, I’m serious. Step back. You are not allowed- what the hell?” Ernest had snuck behind him into the house. When the officer turned I darted in and he followed Ernest and I. What appeared to be the top brass on the case stepped forward as I could see two more officers and a man behind him.

“Wait a second, aren’t you two the ones we arrested yesterday?” The top brass seem intrigued we were there.

“Yes we certainly are. EB & Thumbs here, and we have crucial info.”

He seemed to wave to the officer who was stationed at the door as if to say step back. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

I opened the case wide open for them. “Here’s the story: So the woman we stumbled upon in the house was a married woman and recently separated. I’m betting she was soon to finalize into divorce and her husband didn’t want this to happen. In a heated argument he poisoned her tea.  Then he sneaks out, dresses in drag, comes to us to find a ‘missing husband’ and sets us up to take the fall. He didn’t think to give us a fake story. We need to find her husband and we’ll find the real killer.”

Top Brass chuckled at this. “Yeah, I bet we will.” He stepped aside and I could see that the officers behind him were arresting the man who hired Ernest and I. “We figured that out yesterday and obviously found him. Also, he choked her. He didn’t poison her. Did you two see anything that was in front of you when you barged in? Anyways, good work kid.” He chuckled again and walked off.

There you have it, our first case in sometime. We took an add in the paper and after the first one was shot down (it just said, “kitty dick for hire” and gave our address which apparently is inappropriate) we got a solid one in. “E.B. & Thumbs – Ain’t no case we can’t solve.” So the door is open and we are expecting even more cases than before.


EB & Thumbs: the Case of the Missing Seperated Husband, pt. 1

In case some of you have forgotten, I happen to have a feline roommate who is also a detective. If this is news then you can read about him here. Today I bring to you the first part in a daring new tale of the adventures of EB & Thumbs. eb_thumbs


The town had grown quiet and due to the reduction in noise our business was moving slow. Needless to say we were a bit in the dumps but if there’s one thing I know it’s that the sun will always rise. So here we were, morning coffees in hand and discussing the day ahead. Ernest had thought perhaps we should do some door to door promotions. The whole bit of introducing ourselves, stating our business, and offering coupons.eb_counter

“Coupons? Whoa now, let’s reel it back. What’s the scoop? Are you pulling in more money on the side? Because last time I checked we were up to our britches in bills and the last thing we need to be doing is charity work when nobody’s got charity for us.”

Ernest did not seem to agree. “M’ow.”

“Listen here Ernest, we are in the red and we need to not be there. If your fixin’ to hand out our money I gotta say–” My stern warning was cutoff by a knock at the door. Curiosity was getting the best of both of us as I could see Ernest’s eyes grow bright. Could this possibly be a new client?

Well what stood before was none other than a young lady in dire need of a couple sleuths to solve a mystery for her.eb_client

“Yeah, do I got da office of E.B. & Thumbs? Ya know, the detectives?” I couldn’t help but notice what a gruff voice this young woman had.

Either way a client is a client so I made with the introductions, “Why yes it is. I’m Thumbs and this is my partner E.B.” Ernest nodded to her at his introduction.

“Uh, yeah, well anyways look this is the problem I got. My husband and are separated but we still live together right now. Doesn’t mean I love him any less. He hasn’t been home in something like a week, I don’t know, give or take a day or two. I want the two of yous to go out there and find her- I mean him.”

I looked over to Ernest to see what his take was and as soon as my head should turn I saw him hop right on up. “Merow!”

“That means we are on the case young lady!”

“Ugh, yeah, well okay, you’re the gumshoes so I’ll leave this to you. Here’s my address should you have any questions or if you find him.” And with that she handed us a folded piece of paper and took her exit. There was an air of excitement in the house. Finally, we had got another job. The first step was to case some places this mystery husband might have been seen lately. Naturally, the first stop thought up was the local grocers. Ernest was hungry and I figured there had to be a lot of foot traffic there so off we set.

Upon arriving I sought out the first cashier I saw. Quickly I began describing the woman who had visited and asked if they had seen her with someone she was somewhat close to and if they had seen that man recently. Apparently this was not the line of questioning he wanted to hear.

“Look pal, I done told you on every other case you bring in here. I don’t pay that close attention to the goings ons of the customers. You know how many blonde gals come through ‘ere a day? I just ring up the groceries and sack ’em.”

I wasn’t getting nowhere fast. “My apologies, sir, my apologies. Look I’m just hoping to solve this one and quick. It’s the first case Ernest and I have had in months and we have to rebuild our reputation.”

The grocery clerk still did not seem quite pleased with our presence. “Ernest, eh? Your partner? Yeah, well he’s over there walking on the meats and chewing on the plastic over ’em. How’s about you pick him up and the two of yas get on outta here. You are this close to gettin’ yourself banned for life pal.”

I turned to Ernest to, in fact, see him doing exactly what the clerk had described. Almost immediately he looked right back at me. “M’ow! M’ow!” Despite his happiness in the store we departed and hit right back at the start, rock bottom. Now seemed as good a time as any to stop on the curb and have a smoke, collect my thoughts, and get back in the game. Fumbling through my pocket for a light, I stumbled on the note from our client with her address. Funny, the name wasn’t even written on it.

“You know, perhaps it’s time for us to revisit our client and get ourselves a picture of this missing person. Why didn’t we think of that right away?”

“Meow.” Ernest seemed a bit indifferent. Perhaps he was still thinking about the meat.

Upon reaching our clients house there was an eerie weight to the air. Something was off. The door was wide open and as we entered I waved Ernest to follow behind my lead. We were soon stopped by our reactions like hitting a brick wall. In front of us lied the body of a deceased blonde girl. Not the one who hired us but someone entirely different. After collecting ourselves a bit we stepped backwards out to the porch. “Ernest, we got call downtown and let ’em know what’s here! We can’t just let this go.”

Then our hearts sunk. Sirens. We turned around to be greeted by multiple cops all lights ablaze pulling up to the house. I swallowed hard. We were setup and it was looking like slammer time for us.



Kitty Dick

Enrest Borgnine is my roommate, pal, and business partner. He was born in 1934 and after a hard knock life in the mean streets of New Orleans he made his way to Kansas. After putting himself through detective school, he came to me with a proposition. We would team up and enter the business of sleuthing. The world of private investigation presented some problems for Ernest due to the fact that he has no thumbs and is of a miniature scale. That’s where I come in with my human hands. Our team is named E.B. & Thumbs (that’s me). The process is a simple one where I outfit Ernest with recording devices or a camera and set him loose in the home of whoever we might be investigating. His cute appearance and peoples weakness for cats certainly helps out. To this date we have been assigned 25 cases and solved one. I’m not saying we are the best team but certainly one that should be taken into consideration the next time you have a mystery on your hands. Honestly, I thought business would be better considering a bunch teens and a dog were able to do it. I mean really, who trusts a person with a neckerchief or a stoner who’s best and only friend is a dog? And yes, the only case we solved was one I assigned to us: Who puked in the bed? Turns out it was Mr. Borgnine. We’re are definitely starting to get the hang of it though so do keep us in mind for all your sleuthing needs.