A House 88 Minutes Too Long

Recently I was able to convince Andrew from Shut Up Dad to share in on the amazing viewing experience that is “House 2: the Second Story”. With a title like that how could it be bad? Well he informed that this film happened to share many similarities with a recent vacation he took. Andrew was kind of enough to share the complaint letter he sent to the real estate agent that highlights many of these similarities. In case you are unfamiliar with film, here is a trailer to give you a sampling.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Real Estate Agent,

How you get up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror is beyond me. Or maybe you’re a vampire, so you don’t have to. With everything else I saw in this house, I wouldn’t be at all surprised. It was a death trap. Even worse, a haunted death trap. Cowboy mummies and crystal skulls may be cute where you come from, but not to me. Call me old fashioned, but I think miniature bottles of shampoo or air conditioning would’ve been just fine. Instead we get a 170 year old man constantly asking us for beer.

I mean, is it too much to ask to step into a bedroom without traveling back in time? I do not enjoy getting up to use the restroom at night, and tripping over caterpillar dogs. Yes, you read that correctly. A caterpillar with a dog face. He looked atrocious and smelled even worse. What confuses me further, beyond the existence of this animal (or is it an insect?), is the fact that you told me that we could not bring our dog with us because you “don’t allow pets in the house”.

To say I had a “rough” weekend here would be an understatement. When I agreed to vacation here, I thought me and the wife could settle down and relax. Instead I spent the entire time trying to survive. In fact, yesterday your “electrician adventurer” friend had to help me save her from being sacrificed by ancient Aztecs. Now she’s been kidnapped into yet another dimension by a murderous cowboy mummy/ghost named Slim. I will be notifying the proper authorities, and you will be brought to justice. Whether that’s the police, or ghost hunters. I’ll do whatever it takes. If you’re not already dead, I hope you kill yourself.

Thank you and good day,

Angry Tenant

P.S. – Thanks for sending Bill Maher over to try to split me and my wife up the first night.

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