Wish upon a falling butter knife

Somebody has to put out the cold hard reality. There are rules to wishing. You can’t just start pulling out a collection of wishbones and paying off your friend to lose 5 in a row so you can make a bunch of ridiculous wishes and then hand your friend a sock full of pennies to throw in a fountain. It’s not how it works.

Near my place of employment is what almost looks like a random bus stop, however it is not a bus stop. Instead it has a ridiculous note stating it is the “Wishing Bench” where you can sit and wish. During a discussion with a friend we began to hit upon the limitations of this “magical” seat. Is it unlimited wishes? I certainly think not. At a point it was asked of me if I was a part of the Wish Police. No, no, no, I am merely a Wish Ref. Seriously, you can’t go sit on the bench and wish you were rich, go home, squander the money and then come back penniless adding the stipulation, “I wish I was rich for the rest of my life.” You’ve already blown your get rich quick wish and no addition of words or rephrasing of your wish is going to change that. If that were a possibility then I’d never go to work and instead sit and wish on the bench every single day and go home to rework them should the wish not turn out how I like.

No joke, the "Wishing Bench"

No joke, the “Wishing Bench”

I also heartily believe that in a spot like that you are allowed only one wish. This is a charity of the bench not a free handout. That bench doesn’t owe you shit so the fact it’s willing to give you one wish is pretty good. However, people are greedy. My friend kept asking “Why not?” and I had to keep saying that’s just the way it works. Do we question a mushroom why it tastes so good? No. Also, that’s dangerous. Let just anyone wish as much as they want and ya keep giving it to them then something bad is going to happen.  Suddenly we are all writing scripts for Sylvester Stallone so he can return to the top of the film world. Not to mention we all are forced to attend the screenings of the garbage we wrote. Or say some joker keeps coming up with bad wishes and the next thing you know it’s a monkey paw wishing bench. Needless to say, none of us would care too much for that.

Now in the world of wishing and the rules and stipulations surrounding we can not avoid one topic: Genies. Everyone’s go to. I’m not sure that I’m really a fan of the hypothetical question: “If a genie could grant you 3 wishes what would they be?” For starters, I’m not a real wisher. I don’t have these grand imaginary wishes for my own life. Secondly, there’s always that jerk who has this reply: “Oh, well one of them of course would be to wish for more wishes,” or the other classic, “I’d wish for the genies freedom.” Seriously folks, that’s not a good plan. This guy has been enslaved to the lamp, oil can, urn, can of tobacco or whatever for how many centuries? And the only time he gets to come out is to grant our boring wishes? Clearly he’s gonna be ticked and chances are the guy who trapped him is long dead. Vengeance is probably gonna be coming down on us. Or he might end up being freed and becoming a real person (kind of like a Pinocchio situation). Next thing you know he’s Geoffrey the quiet, mild mannered office worker who gives you a call every once in a while because he feels a guilty need to since you wished him freedom. At work he’s know as the quiet guy with his cowlick, old fashioned glasses, same red tie every day, and who eats tuna salad for lunch everyday and smells like hard boiled eggs. Pat yourself on the back for that one.

In closing, I leave you with this: Be careful what your wishes are and please, don’t get greedy with them.


2 thoughts on “Wish upon a falling butter knife

    • Hate is a strong word, Kanost. I’d say that I “strongly dislike” tomatoes. I mean, I’ve never written slanderous things about them here, have I? Mushrooms are fantastic, that’s how I can love them so.

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