Nearacles in Science

Today’s post is about something that is very near and dear to me: Time Travel. Yes of all the ridiculous things I could let my mind loose on, time travel is by far the best.

The reality of time travel is consistently argued about among scientists, pastry makers, and just anyone in general. Some people like to discuss what era they would to travel to and visit because of some mild interest they have or because of something a teacher once told them about. Or perhaps they want to go and visit someone the read about it in a book. Either way, the real interest is simply this: The goofy shenanigans and wacky situations time travel is going to land you in. They say if you were to travel back in time that anything you do would have adverse affect on the future. Obviously we can’t prove this wrong or right but just imagine the lengths certain people would go to ensure they altered nothing. Almost makes it pointless when you go that crazy, right? One of the greatest teaching tools of this butterfly effect lesson would certainly be the Simpsons episode about the toaster that Homer time travels with:Inside my head I’ve run through the scenario of what it would be like to run into your past self. Yes, it would be cool to go back and see certain events in history or watch older family members be awkward kids (although you really want to make sure to stay away from that whole creepy Marty McFly and his mother thing) but nothing would hold up to arguing with yourself. I’ve always thought to myself about what Past Me would insult Present Me about or vice versa. Perhaps thinking along these lines and discovering what you yourself would ridicule yourself about helps teach a new form of humility. You do have to be very careful about this because you don’t want to end up causing the universe to collapse in on itself or accidentally causing yourself to meet the same fate as the villain from time cop. I can see it now, past self insults you in a way that really digs in under your skin because face it, he’s going to know how to do that. So you get a little riled up and you shove him. Next thing you know this is happening:Okay, so there were a couple of references to Back to the Future in this post so I want to ramble about one more thing before I close this post up. I heard a few years ago about people building replicas of the DeLorean time machines which is a bit crazy. These people put a lot of work into it and you can see from the link that people have actually created businesses out of this. Very specific, weird, niche market businesses but at the end of the day they are still considered a business. Plus the craziest fact from last winter: One of the original replicas sold for over $500,000. You can read about it here. That’s a lot of beer money and the fact that someone has that much money for a replica car is c-r-a-z-y. Cuh-razy.
Anyways, back to wrapping this thing up. I’ll leave you today with the dialogue that I imagine would happen between Past Me and Present Me should I get lucky enough to live my time travel fantasy:
Past Me: Ah man…
Present Me: What? Seriously? I get the chance to time travel and actually choose to visit you and you react disappointed?
Past Me: No it’s not that, it’s just, well, your dressed like somebody’s grandfather.
Present Me: Well you look like somebody who crawled out of the basement of a punk house. And you smell worse than I remembered.
Past Me: Yeah, I’m sure that “in the future” my hygiene has become so much better. How many years ago did you lose your razor?
Present Me: Ugh, you make this next to impossible. I simply came back to offer some advice and give you warnings to help you know, steer you out of trouble.
Past Me: Seriously? In the future I’m such a dick that I gotta go back in time to give guidance and dole out of the life lessons? Yeah, I get it, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. Can’t you just let things play out naturally?
Present Me: Maybe I should have gone to check out the dinosaurs or gone to the future because this was clearly a mistake. Good luck with our future, you jerk.
Past Me: Wait, before you go… Do you have a spare cigarette?

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5 thoughts on “Nearacles in Science

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