Clammy and verklempt

My favorite treat from the east is, of course, clam chowder. The finest of soups with rich flavor and rich history. Personally dropping a little Worcestershire sauce in with some New England clam chowder is a meal that warms my heart. This  soup seems to have some interesting tidbits behind it as well. For instance, did you know it is a popular Friday treat in restaurants in order to provide a non-beefy Catholic meal? Or that outside of New England or Rhode Island style clammy c’s you will find tomatoes to be frequently added? Personally I think those north eastern crazy kids had it right. That being said, I’m not totally sure I agree with them creating a bill in the 30’s to outlaw the use of tomatoes in clam chowder. Many things in that area don’t make sense to me though. I mean, how do you have so many different accents in such a small stretch of the country?

“It stirs the cauldron or else it gets the hose again…”

Having a love of clam chowder isn’t necessarily something that people openly accept about you. For instance, the other night as I enjoyed my bowl of soup it opened the door for quite a bit of ridicule from a co-worker. This co-worker, we’ll call her Batilda Stinky, is convinced that my mother makes her own clam chowder. Apparently in Batilda’s mind I am also deeply in love with her clam chowder. We discussed this scenario for a while which finally turned into many awful things. One being the commercial my mother and I shot for the Chunky’s Soup company that they refuse to air. The details of this ad were not discussed but what could really be so bad about a full grown man loving the soup his mother makes? I’ve never heard anyone making wise cracks about those Chunky’s commercials with the athletes. All the sudden you put a nerd and his mother wearing the same outfit and both enjoying the same meal and it’s a laugh riot or creepy image? Another was the idea that my mother has a giant cauldron in her basement full of her clam chowder.Unfortunately in this scenario my father is forced to stir the cauldron all day before he has to go into work for the night. At this point his station is manned by several underprivileged children in the neighborhood. Should one of these children lose their balance and fall in, the other children have been instructed to continually push them down into the cauldron as they stir. Take it from me: you do not want a batch of chowder that’s heavy on the children. Rest assured, none of this true and there are no missing children being forced to make soup in any member of my family’s homes. I can’t say the same for Campbell’s on the other hand. How many rosy cheeked children have they forced into slave labor to  make their soups?Anyways, I highly recommend you do yourself a solid this week and grab a nice bowl of the ol’ clam chowder and treat yourself. You won’t be disappointed as long as you don’t accept this bowl directly from me.


3 thoughts on “Clammy and verklempt

  1. I saw your mom at Walmart the other day, she was shopping for fabrics to make you guys a matching set of overalls and scarves. I suggested she get the patriotic red-white-and-blue fabric, but she said that you would throw a tantrum if she didn’t get fake denim with paint spatters. Maybe you should spend less time with your mother.

    Batilda sounds like the kind of sophisticated person who does astounding impersonations of Regis Philbin and Vincent Price. Is she by chance European?

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